Well I’m clearly not the best about keeping up with my blog, but I do really want to share this journey with y’all so I’ll do my best.
The last couple of months have been a variety of ups and downs, lessons learned, struggles overcome, self realizations, and times cherished. In the last week I’ve realized that I have actually been kind of stressed out for awhile. There were moments of temporary stress or being overwhelmed, but for the most part it was a gradual process that caught up with me all of a sudden.
I’ve been really busy with work, program commitments, community events, fundraiser meetings, and everything in between, but I’ve always enjoyed being busy and have thrived in stressful environments. At least that’s what I thought. While it is true that I do well under pressure, I internalize stress and don’t let it bother me until it either starts affecting my relationships or my health. Generally in subtle ways, but the stress is still impactful. It’s normally after the fact that I realize all these little signs were actually subconscious outward expressions of my internal stress. For example, my skin has been acting up since I moved to Denver and I figured it was a change in weather, the altitude, dry climate, new environment, slight stress, a change in hormones, and all sorts of temporary stress. The thing is, it didn’t clear up, which stressed me out. I also gained a little weight but blamed it on the fact that it got colder here than anywhere else I’ve ever lived so I didn’t feel like going out to exercise in the icy tundra. I didn’t talk to many of my friends from home or school regularly, but figured we were all busy and who really has time to make the effort? (Hint: it should be mutual, but you DO have the time to keep up with the ones you care about even if you have to make time.)
Overall I’m good. Great even. I love my job, my roommates, this city, my friends, and everything else that is surrounding my life right now. There was really no reason for me not to be great. Right? Well, kind of right.
A couple of days ago I had a half day from work and the weather was beautiful. I went on a solid run, did some laundry, sat outside and read soaking in the warmth of the day, cooked two full meals, cleaned the house, and overall really enjoyed myself. As I was walking to the grocery store to grab something I needed for our extended community dinner (housemates and neighbors), I was just so happy and relaxed I said “Thank you Lord for this day and this wonderful time of my life!” as my eyes filled with tears. I knew it was a good day, but I didn’t know just how much I needed it. My soul felt refreshed and energized. I spent some time with the Lord (another thing I had been needing to MAKE more time for) and realized how out of sorts I had been.
I’m not saying that everything is perfect now that I realize how my built up stress has been affecting my life, but I think I’m on the right track to getting back in a healthy rhythm.
- Talking to friends and family more: check
- Making time to work out and eat healthy: check (ish)
- Being intentional about my time with the Lord: Working on it
- Taking time to be alone and be at peace: Working on it
- Loving the people around me with all that I have: my favorite thing to do
I’m very comfortable in Denver and I have a feeling that the level of comfort pushed me in the direction of being complacent in certain areas of my life. That is not okay with me. I want to constantly be pushing to better my life and the world, but in a way that encourages a healthy lifestyle for me and the people around me.
I am planning/hoping to do another year of service this next year so stay tuned to hear more about my discernment process and what that is going to look like. I know that the Lord is calling me to another place, I’m just not sure what that place is yet or what that will look like. I would love for you to keep me in your prayers in general, and especially during this time of processing what is next for me.
As for now, I’m off to spend the weekend in California with some college friends and my brother (best gift he’s ever given me) so I am looking forward to sunning, beaching, reading, hiking, and enjoying my people. A much needed trip that will be filled with much needed time with loved ones!
Be blessed and be a blessing,